Saturday, January 28, 2012

Lets Talk Dirty Shall We..

Can we talk dirty? Come on I know you want to.

You know what I'm talking about...everyone is doing it.  Some do it more often then others. Others try not to do it at all, but then the urge is too strong.  Some do it at 37,000 feet, some people have to get help doing it.  Some people actually make porn movies doing it...
In some cultures they do it in different positions, but the experience is always the same.

You know what I'm talking about....going to the bathroom of course.  What did you think I was talking about? (perverts!)

We ask ourselves the age old question, "Does a bear shit in the woods?". Why do we ask this? Has no one ever seen a bear shit in the woods?  I don't really recommend that you sneak up on any bears, especially why they are shitting. Of course, this would be a good time to escape a bear, if you have already been captured.
I think I know why we ask this question... because based on the bears diet of sticks and berries and some fish, I doubt anyone would know what bear poop even looks like.  We'll, just ask a VEGAN!

You knew we had to get to the subject sooner or later..... 

Years back when I did my high protein-low carb diet with lots of veggies and salads, one of the foundamental supplenments I learned that one should take was some stool softener.  All that fiber really gets a girl into a "bind".  Maybe its all the cheese, maybe all the lettuce. or all that yummy dry chicken breast.  However, if you didn't drink the water, bathroom time was trouble and left you wishing you had eaten a McDonalds cheese burger to keep things moving.

Now, I knew going into the vegan way of life, that I might have to deal with some situations that left everyone in the room looking at the dog, however, I was also expecting to have to pull those ducolax pills out once more. How wrong I was!! 
Not only is the situation a loose matter these days, but sometimes its an urgent one as well.  Sneezing is not always my friend.
There is a reason I have always referred to Blueberries as "Scrubbing Bubbles".

Maybe I should consider a cleanse?? but dont fool yourself folks, all those sticks, seeds and berries do clean out the pipes, whether you want them to or not.  

I haven't yet sat down and compared any bathroom habits with another vegan, and I'm sure if I found one over the age of 50, they would be more then happen to provide me with many a tale...but for now, seeing that this post is already in the crapper... I think I'll leave the subject along for everyone to discover themselves.

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