Thursday, March 1, 2012

Making Your Cake and Eating it too....

I wanted to bring forward for many people, vegan or non-vegan and even crazy people of the planet, that you can have your cake and eat it too... and you don't even need to make it from scratch.
( I bet your are drooling already)

I present to you:  Vegan cake in a box! and the best part is, you can purchase this product at any of your favorite groceries stores.  (I'm sure all the vegans of the world are rolling their eyes)
How's that Julia you ask. Well let me tell you!!  Just 2 words : Duncan Hines!! thats right, you heard me. Duncan Hines , North America's gateway to easy desserts.

I have confirmed and double checked that every ingredient in their cake mixes is Dairy and Animal product fee.  (and if any you smarty pants find me wrong, keep it to yourself and let the rest of us dream)
After much research, I have pretty much discovered that everything in it is basically Chemicals.
Lets stand up and thank the scientist for their tireless efforts to bring us these tasty treats in a box with no expiry date.
Now by no means is this product or altered version recipe of this product  "low fat vegan" in any way or even healthy in any form. So don't be suing me when your ass swells 3 times the size after you have it 3 meals a day for 5 months out of the year.
I'm not even truly sure its even safe to eat, but anyone who needs to whip up a quick dessert without  the guilt of eating baby unborn chickens, stay tune, because this is the POST for you!!

Lets first discuss the ingredients presented to us by the fine makers of Duncan Hines.  Now, I should point out that I did not go through EVERY flavor of cake mix they make, but just the Devils Food.  So don't try to come back and challenge me... because I might have to come back and smack you!!

* but first a disclaimer - this blog does not reflect the feelings or opinions of Google, the Pope, president Obama, Her Majesty the Queen or anyone else that I know or don't know, nor does it intend to slam DH corporation, as they have never hidden this information from their customers and in fact you can find all this information on their website, which is a lot more I can say for other products *

Now back to the blog:

the first on the list of course is "sugar", but did anyone really think it would be anything different.
2nd, "enriched bleached wheat flour" - good thing they enriched it after they bleached it.  For anyone who doesn't know what it means to enrich something, its when they Put back in the nutrition, like iron and B vitamins that they took out in the first place.  You might see this a lot on cereals and bread, same as "fortified" that make you think its all wonderful for your kids to eat.
Next is "Vegetable oil" , which is made up of things like propylene glycol mono & diester of fats and diglycrides - mmmm a tasty mouthful )
But just when you thought it was down hill from here... we have "cocoa powder".. Yeah, we like this one. chocolatey goodness for sure, but the fun doesn't last .
Than there is "Dextrose" because all that sugar in the beginning wasn't enough.
Next is "Sodium bicarbonate & sodium aluminum phosphate"... with some "modified starch".  I don't even want to know what is modified about it.
Then we have "poly glycerol and esters of fatty acid".... mother who?
Oh, dont forget the SALT.  Followed by the "cellulose gum, xanthen gum, maltodextrin" which i'm pretty sure is the part that helps it to stick to your ass and finally "Artificial Flavors" of course... to cover up the horrid flavor of all those previous ingredients.

So now that we are all educated of the chocolatey goodness of this delicious dessert... lets get started on making Vegan style.

Its not really rocket science, though one would think they need a degree in science to understand what I just read off, however I assure you that you will not need it to make the cake.

Now, once you have your cake mix box in front of you .. follow the clear and easy instructions on the back.

they will advise you to add 1/2 Veggie oil ( like it needs more ). Go ahead, add it in.....I dare ya.
then they have you add 2 eggs .. STOP !! put those eggs down.  instead , I used 1/2 cup of apple sauce..  Yes, simple apple sauce... make your own if you wish.  Stay away from sweetened brands if you can... because I assure you, there is sugar already in the cake mix... really , there is .  (getting hand smack out)
Then it has you add 1 1/4 cup water ... I cut back on the water because the apple sauce is already runny.  I I would start with just 1 cup... might seem too thick, but trust me, it wont cook on the inside before the outside starts to burn... SO DON'T DO IT !!
mix and back as per package instructions. 

And there you have it !!  easy peasy sleezy !!   It will come out so moist and tender, you won't even need any ice cream or whipped cream on top.  even better while its still warm.

And the best part is, you don't have to even cover it up, that baby will stay so moist for the next week.
If you can make it last that long. 
Thanks Mr (or is that Mrs) Hines.


PS - I felt I should also point out, that the makers of this cake mix were sure to put in bold letters, as a warning to anyone making or consuming this product that is has " Wheat Product " in it.
Thank God they point out this obvious, yet very dangerous ingredient before I made it.
I was so focus in on the goodness of the Maltodextrin that I almost missed the Wheat Flour product.

Once again the world is a safer place.